Too Many Times ( )

Too many shrugs.
Too many thoughts
wander around my mind,
then slip out the other side.

Too many crimes
to too many shrines.
Each sin sharpens a knife
that finds its home in my side.

Too many stories.
I find them all so boring,
echoing throughout the rooms.
Repercussions of what we've always known.

Every time I return, too many times,
to this place where I've been;
where it all hangs in the rafters
above my head, out of reach of my fingers.
Every time… too many times.

Too many scars
in place of armor,
and behind vacant eyes
these hells that I've buried.

Too many days
I've pissed away,
friends deserted,
and good intentions twisted.

Too many failings
of those undeserving,
on repeat until the end.
Repercussions of what has always been.

Every time I return, too many times,
to this place where I've been;
where all that I need lingers
above my head, unreachable in the rafters.
Every time… too many times,
to this place where I've been,
this place where I don't want to be!

Every time… too many times,
this place where I am.
I can't stay here where I stand.
I can't go back to that place where I've been
too many times before.